Talk Vomit

Joy’s phone never works
but she can hear enough
to know that I’m alive.

I leave out the detail
that I’m thinking about
going on medication,
a surrender I’m certain
she would have no qualms with
considering she has relied on
her trusty
(M
T
W
T
F
S
S)
pill case
for the better
part of a decade—

I can see her carpet,
questionably woodsy,
mid-November forest
floor, a perfect arena
for an only child tantrum =
a need wasn’t met.

My imagination
would fail me
as the TV droned
endlessly—

I can hear it now
through the phone,
an Alex Trebek-less
Jeopardy & Cleveland

Guardians,
(the basket full of
abandoned Baseball caps)
& Wheel of Fortune,
all late stage nursery
rhymes that coaxed me
out of many a blind rage.

I learned from the best:

Father’s fist hole’s that
chirp like an ocarina
when someone slams
the door too hard,
trapped birds beneath
blanketed cages, loud,
softer softer, silence.

If there’s one thing Joy
could do is stave a flame,
and when to let it burn.

We came up with a code
word when I needed her
to come save me at any
moment no questions asked: _____ =
I’ve run away from home &
I’m at the gas station please
come pick me up.

Joy arrives in her
nightgown, drinking
diet mountain dew out
her coffee cup–we ride to
her house in perfect silence
save for the necessary question:

She was always there when
I returned from my latest
outburst on the floor,
ready to wipe my tears
and clean up the destruction.

But it was never destruction
for no good reason,
it was always a need
that wasn’t met.
Now that no one
will tolerate my
rage I must package
it differently.

For now the poem
scratches the itch
& spreads it to
open the door
for more
itch.

That’s good honey.

I warshed the windows today.










Bonnie came up the other day
& helped me plant flowers.



I’ve really been missin you.








Grandpa’s been feeling kinda
down lately.













Oh he’s been through
a lot honey bunny.









You can only go through
so much, you know?















Would you like french fries?



Aww okay sweetie.


Don’t wait so long next time,
okay?




See you around, if you
don’t turn square!










It was Hunter! Yeah, he’s
doing good–