Where Did All My Straws Go?

By Mary Stathos

It’s like that book “I Know What You Did Last Summer” but I only know what you did because it was a pandemic and we were all sitting inside doing nothing and nobody committed a secret murder and the murders that were committed were caught on tape and they weren’t committed by teens, they were committed by cops and even if we do rat them out, there probably aren’t going to be any consequences. 

Why is 20/20 vision perfect but it is impossible to foresee anything that is going to happen in 2020 at all? HA get it??? Because 2020 has been a godawful year? Hilarious.

Maybe god is a bug and this is karma for all of the bugs we have killed. Maybe this is global warming and a lack of strong central leadership.

My mask hides my chin acne that started because of my mask. It all really comes full circle, doesn’t it.

When is Trump going to release a notes app apology for the last four years?

The only way I know how to take pictures is to hardstyle and the fact that the pandemic has taken this away from me is really the last straw.

Just kidding. The last straw was probably finding out that people who go to school out of state are unable to use the free counseling services provided by their school due to liability insurance issues. Also pretty much the entire local and federal government’s pandemic responses. Maybe those were the first straws, but like a 700-pound straw that was recently ingested by an endangered sea turtle.

Not having to leave my house is doing wonders for my mental health but not in a good way.

An unexpected consequence of mask-wearing is that I don’t actually know what anyone looks like anymore. An unexpected perk is that no one can see my nose. (Or my chin acne. See above for more info.)

Oh man. 

Mary Stathos is Talk Vomit’s creative editor, as well as a therapist. She takes a lot of photos of her cats and calls her mom every day.


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